As you may or may not know, I am a mental health counselor. I was listening to a Jillian Michaels’ Podcast, and Janice was talking about the concept “thinking though the drink.” This is an AA concept that was developed in order to help addicts think about how they would feel after drinking that drink and how that one drink would affect their life and relationships. Janice and Jillian applied this to food and to think through the food.
Recently, I notice myself starting to do this more and more. For example, I work late every Thursday night, and we do not get time off for dinner. Of course (like most Thursdays)I forgot to pack water and a snack. Because it is such a long day, a bunch of the counselors usually go out for lunch . This means by the time I am driving home I am starving, and right before my exit home is a Wendy’s. Boy, do I love Wendy’s, and my better half hates Wendy’s. So, the only time I really get to eat Wendy’s is on my way home Thursday nights.
The whole drive, I am thinking about how I am going to feel after I eat Wendy’s. I know it is not very good for me, and I know that what I really want is high in calories. I know that after I eat it I am going to feel like a fat pig. I know that after I eat it I am going to feel bad because I am not exercising (Thursday is my rest day since I get home so late). I know that it is going to mess up my calories for the day and I am probably going to go over. I know that I am going to be disappointed in myself for giving into the unhealthy urge. In fact, the only good thought I have about it is “Gee, it sounds really good.”
And, even though I know it is bad for me, I eat it anyway. To no surprise, I always end up feeling exactly the way I predicted. What I can’t figure out is why I continue to make the same choice. Why do I not choose a healthier option? To be really honest, I cannot think of an answer. It really bothers me that I continue to make decisions I know are not healthy. I’m not hurting anyone but myself and my journey. I don’t know if I am sabotaging myself. It just makes me mad. I even got a compliment from a co-worker that it looks like I am losing more weight.
I just don’t know what to do to make it stop. Maybe it is making a healthy option at home. That way, I know I have food waiting on me when I get home. I just want to start making healthy decisions.