I bit the bullet and weighed myself this morning. It was not pretty. I GAINED weight. Of course, this began the parade of insults and self-loathing comments to myself. Most of all, I just did not understand. I lost so many inches this week during beta; how could I gain pounds. My better half says it is probably muscle as beta does some more strength things. I also think it has to do with my (TMI moment) cycle being here. I do have bad cycles, and all of the side effects that go along with it.
After I said all of these horrible things about myself, I went for my run. During my run, I was thinking how motivated I am by numbers. When I lost all of those inches, I was stoked to do it all again next week so I could see more results. When I was devastated by the numbers on the scale, I was motivated to do more in order to hit the number I want to achieve. Either way, I am motivated to see the number drop.
So what stops it? Temptation? Yummy food that has less than stellar health benefits? I think, for me, it comes down to convenience. I don’t feel like cooking or planning to cook, so I go out. When I go out, I tend to order things that are not good for me. Let’s be honest, even the things that are better for you are not that great for you. I am trying to organize my life so that my better half and I go out once per week. This way, we can have a date night, I can have one meal where I up my caloric intake, but I’m not sabotaging myself either.
Losing weight is WORK (so is putting it on, but that’s a conversation for another day). For me, sometimes it comes down to the fact that I don’t want to put in the effort because I’m tired, don’t feel like it, think I deserve a “day off” (that turns into 3 or 4 meals). This is also when I “forget” about the numbers. I justify my poor habits by saying that I have done well and one poor choice will not do any harm.
It is when I really look at the numbers, that is when I get extra motivated. You can tell when I am “slacking off” more because I stop blogging, stop cooking, stop working out etc. Starting today, I’m always going to remember the numbers. I know where I am now, I have a long term goal (125) and a short term goal (230 by the end of beta). I am going to continue to plan and cook my own meals, except for date night, and I am going to log all of my food so I can track exactly how many calories I am taking in and how many I am burning.
I am determined to win the game.