New Year Resolution 2015

Happy New Year!!

I’m hoping that 2015 is going to be my most balanced year yet.  I find that I am focusing a lot on work and doing virtually nothing for myself or my family.  So, I am hoping to gain more balance and be more productive in my life.  I know people who don’t like “new year’s resolutions,” but I always like to take the time at the new year to reflect on where I am and where I want to go.  The reality of this past year is that I am actually no further this year, with the exception of my promotion, than I was last year.  I am trying to structure my life to help me get where I want to go.

This mostly starts with my wellness.  I need to do a better job of meal planning, meal prepping, and exercising.  I know what I need to do, I just don’t do it.  Therefore, I have a calendar and I am going to schedule time to do these activities.  Hopefully this will hold me more accountable.  Also, I need to find motivation.  I feel like I have been in a “funk” recently, and I know doing all of these things (eating right, exercising, and making time for me) will help… I just need to do it.

When I meal plan, I usually make healthy things; it is a matter of doing it consistently.  Meal prepping is also something that I just need to do consistently.  My spouse and I are going to start Body Revolution on Monday, and I am excited to get things going.  We need to hammer out some of the details, but I am excited to get things going again.  I received BodyShred for Christmas, and it looks way too insane to try now, so we are going to get back to basics, progress forward, and see where that takes us.

I also have a plan to take a picture everyday this year.  I saw this go around last year, and I thought it was a cool idea so I remembered it… for a whole year.  Every week I’m going to upload these pictures to shutter fly, put together a book, and then order it at the end of the year.  My spouse does not think I am going to last, but I have faith.  I think this is a really cool concept…. and I’m excited to try it.

I want to read at least 20 books.  These can be personal or leadership related (but the CARF manual won’t count).  I think this one may be hard because I have so much of a learning curve at work that I will have to take stuff home to read and work on.  But, I also need to make time for me so we are going to try it.  Once I get into a book, I can usually finish it pretty quickly (if I like it).  Then, I can write my book reviews on my blog.

I also want to make more time to craft.  Crafting uses a completely different side of my brain and I enjoy it immensely.  I know getting my monthly craft kit will help out too.  I post my crafts of my crafting blog, so be sure to go there to hold me accountable!!

I also want to do well in my new position.  I am going to have a plan and really work on developing my leadership skills.  That is where a lot of my focus and attention is going.  I know I am going to be consumed with this in the next year, so I am going to do my best while remaining balanced.

To do all of these things, I need to start finding my motivation because I lost it somewhere along the way.  I think I’m going through a funk because of some stuff going on throughout my life.  I think the above is what is going to get me out of the funk, it is just a matter of getting started.

Happy New Year!!!  Thank you for reading my blog and following me.  I appreciate everyone and look forward to the new year!!


I Finally Exercised

…and it felt good.

Last week, I found out that I was selected for a promotion at work, which would normally be super exciting; however, it means that my mentor is retiring.  I have been in this weird, numb, flat emotional state as I try to process this information and wrap my head around what the next year is going to bring.  There are a lot of feelings wrapped up in this that I will probably process more on my blog as time goes on (and more people know what is going to happen).

Anyway, I have felt very lost and overwhelmed.  When I feel this way, I know that I need structure.  So, this weekend, I got my shit together.  Here are the things I know I need:

  1. An organized, prepared, meal plan so I can eat successfully throughout the week.
  2. A routine exercise plan, so I am exercising every day.
  3. Time to do my extra continuing education credits I need
  4. Time to hang out with my family
  5. Time for myself (to read/blog/be)

Keeping all of this in mind….here is what I am going to do…

  1. Wake up at 5am in order to work out at 5:30am
  2. Create a meal plan/shop on Friday or Saturday (depending on what is going on that week) and prepare my meals on Sunday for the week.
  3. Block out 8pm-9pm to do my continuing education credits.  This gives me time when I get home to eat and unwind with my family.
  4. From 9pm-10pm is ME time.  This is when I will read or blog (or whatever)
  5. Go to bed at 10pm.

I even told my spouse about the plan so I have an accountability partner.  I had the plan in place, I was all excited to go, and (of course, like always) I didn’t wake up at 5 and chose to sleep in.  Now, I know you are wondering why the name of this post is “I Finally Exercised.”  Well, because I was not going to let my poor decision stop me from achieving my goals.  So, I worked out this evening.  That’s right…day 1 of Jillian’s Body Revolution DOWN.  I have also prepared breakfast smoothies and made my lunch for tomorrow.

While I didn’t get my continuing education class started like I wanted, I feel accomplished.  I’m hoping to take this feeling into tomorrow and start fresh.

It takes 30 days to develop a habit.  Here’s to a day (finally) down.


See, I Told You

After my confession yesterday that I have lacked motivation but believe to have turned around, I thought I had turned a corner.  I went to bed, set my alarm to wake up and work out, and drifted off into peaceful sleep earlier than usual, proud that I had gone to bed early to get enough sleep to work out in the morning.

Morning comes, my alarm goes off… and I hit the snooze button.  I know in my head that I need to get out of bed and workout, I’m going to regret it, yet here I am.  I’m not sure what is going on with me.  I don’t know what prevents me from getting out of bed than my sheer laziness and indulgence to sleep in a few more minutes.  Now that I am home, work is pounding in my head, the rush of getting dinner on the table, and now the exhaustion of the day and thinking about tomorrow sets in, and all I want to do is sleep.

What I am not going to do is let this define a failure for the week.  Tonight, I will set my alarm for 5am and have every intention of working out in the morning.  There will not be any time tomorrow night as I have to go to work, stay late for a Heroin presentation, run my first group for “girls who like girls,” then eat.  So, I have to get up and work out or I’m going to continue to be fat and miserable and hate myself when I look in the mirror.

Something has to change, and it has to be me.


Baby Steps

I spent my day reviewing my entire blog.  I started with my first entry and redid all of my categories and tags so it makes more sense.  Looking through, I notice that I have a lot of “tough time” posts.  I tend to blog when I am having an issue or have not been doing well for a while.  In the future, I hope to minimize those posts.  Although, I think it brings it back to losing weight is a struggle and it is a side effect of something else that is going on.

Somewhere throughout all of this, I lost sight of me.  I don’t get “all dolled up” like I used to, and I don’t laugh like I used to, and I take things really personally and bust my ass for other people with the foolish notion that they will like me better or things will be different.  And, I kind of hate myself for that.

Just like this week.  While I stayed (mostly) on point with my diet, I had a REALLY HARD time exercising.  I just could not get my ass out of bed.  I’m just so tired lately and feel like I am losing my drive and ambition.  I have a hard time explaining what happened and how I got here.  But I have, and I have to deal with it.

In addition to all of the things you are “supposed” to do when you are trying to lose weight (exercise, eat right, blah, blah, blah), I’m going to do the little things for myself.  Like, put eyeshadow on when I wear makeup, wear jewelry, read, do my daily mask, take a bubble bath…just those little things to make me feel good about me.

After all, all I have is me.

Personal, Progress

Every Journey Begins with a Step

…and for me that’s my first step on the scale in a long time.

I’m not really sure how I got out of my healthy habits, but I did, and I definitely paid for it.  I started cooking less and eating out more.  I haven’t been consistently working out.  I don’t have a plan.  As a person who likes a plan, this surprises me.  I can make a lot of excuses, but the bottom line is I stopped investing in myself.

Lately, I have been watching a lot of Extreme Weight Loss.  For those who have not seen the show, go to ABC.Com or look on Hulu plus.  It’s pretty awesome.  I like there is no competition.  It really is about the individual.  And, I really enjoy Chris and Heidi… not as much as I like Jillian, but it’s a pretty close second.  At the beginning of every show, Chris and/or Heidi “ambush” the new contestant and choose them for the transformation of a lifetime.  The transformation always starts with the contestant stepping on the scale and bearing their weight to the world.

So, here it is.  All of my measurements and the vulnerability that goes along with bearing my weaknesses to the world.  This is also the new beginning to my journey.  I have really missed blogging, and I’m going to start blogging about my life.  After all, this is MY journey, and my everyday life and habits play a huge part in my journey.   This is also my commitment to change.  Here I am:

Weight: 270.9 lbs

Bust: 47 inches

Waist: 47.5 inches

Hips: 55 inches

Thigh: 31 inches

Arm: 17.5 inches

There it is.  It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s there.  The next thing they do on Extreme Weight Loss is make goals.  The year is divided into 4 phases, each phase lasting three months.  In three months, I will be going to Las Vegas with my wife and my mom for her 60th birthday.  During the first phase, the weight loss goal is about 25% of their original body weight.  The first phase is also spent in a medically supervised facility.  Since I am in the comfort of my own home, I’m going to aim for 15% of my original body weight.  This means, by Las Vegas, I want to weigh 230 labs or less.

Here’s to the last day of hating my size, and the beginning of a transformation.


Taking the Bull by the Horns

Sometimes, I think you need to shake things up in order for everything to fall where it needs to fall.

This past week, I got into a horrible fight with one of my mentors.  Mind you, I have so much respect and admiration for this person that I do not think I have ever looked up to anyone so much.  To hear some of the things that were said hurt.  They hurt really bad.  This is not to say some of the things that were said weren’t true; it was just hard to hear.  I think I am more upset that a relationship I really value is changing, and change scares me.  But, like I said, maybe things have to fall apart to fall into place.  I’m ready for them to fall into place.  I’m just ready to have my mentor back.

In every effort to move forward, I think it’s time to shake things up…grab the bull by the horns so to speak (I learned that from my mentor).  Here’s the plan…

I’m going to take control of my exercise and eating habits.  No more breaking down when things get hard or any of the bullshit I tell myself.  Time to figure it out.  Period.  My workout buddy and I finished Focus T25 (Alpha, Beta, and Gamma thank you very much) and have moved on to Jillian’s Body Revolution.  I’m super stoked and more about that later.

Second, I think I’m going to start my own, little business.  Believe it or not, I also have a crafty side and wreath making has been keeping me busy these days.  I’ve sent pictures to a few of my friends/family, and many of them have expressed interest in having one and encouraging me to explore selling them.  So, I think I am going to do just that.  I’m taking it slow to actually start selling as I am researching and trying to take the time to set it up properly.  However, I have a blog, facebook page, and pinterest account.  I’ve had the blog for a long time, and I set up shop a while ago and never did anything with it.  This is actually a long dream in the making, and I am super excited about it.  I’ve already researched tax stuff and talked with a dear friend who is an accountant (HI ALLISON!!), so things are rolling.

Now, I just have to stay organized and do the “not fun” stuff when I am feeling lazy.  This includes setting up blog posts and scheduling meals and keeping track of all of my purchases.  I need to be disciplined.  There have been too many times when I have just let things happen.

It’s time to take the bull by the horns.

Goals, Personal

Sunday Reflection

It’s been a long time since I’ve done a blog post, and I am not really sure why.  I have been really busy with work and I have had a lot of personal stuff going on.  Well, the two kind of blend.  I am really close to my supervisor.  She is a fantastic person and a wonderful mentor.  I have learned a lot under her.  About the middle of June, she and I got into a big fight, which sent me into a huge tailspin.  And it just kept getting worse, and now it is finally looking a little bit better.  We had some large audits at work, and I had a significant part to play…I updated all of the privacy policies with the new HIPAA standards (sounds like boatloads of fun, huh?).  This was a big thing for my supervisor to ask me to do, and I think that is how we have started to mend our relationship.  She has since come over to my house to help us put on a storm door.  We were also invited to her Halloween party.  While I don’t think we are in the place we were before, I think we are getting there.  Hopefully…

Between the audits and everything going on personally, I just haven’t had the time or energy to blog, but I really miss it.  We passed all of our audits with flying colors!!  It was actually pretty cool to see.  My workout buddy and I also started the pure gamma portion of Focus T25.  We are moving on up.  It is glorious!!  It’s hard and you feel the burn, but it is a really awesome feeling to accomplish.

Also, I have started a couch to 5K program again.  This one is a little less intense than the couch to 10K, and I am determined to stick with it.  I hope the rain today lets up as I would like to go for a run later.  The new app I found has GPS so I can track how far I go and how fast I am running.  It’s pretty exciting, and I have enjoyed going on runs so far.  Now we just have to see if I can keep with it.

The other major thing that recently happened is my better half started having problems with her back.  A little over a year ago started a saga of foot surgeries (2) as the first one had some complications.  This resulted in her being in a walking boot for several months.  Fast forward 11 months since she was in a walking boot and she is in the living room balling.  Essentially, being in the walking boot resulted in an important joint being irritated, and then she must have slept wrong, which resulted in her being unable to move around for a day.  After seeing the doctor and the chiropractor, she is doing much better and can walk around unassisted.  In fact, she didn’t even take her medication yesterday.  I am so relieved.

I wish my better half would take better care of herself.  She is overweight as well, and will eat sweets and soda (and will sometimes encourage me to do the same).  My workout buddy has encouraged my better half to join her at the gym.  I am excited to see where this leads, because if she starts working out, she’s not going to want to put crap in her body.  I am hoping she will take this journey with us.

This week, I want to get my fitness ass into gear.  This means:

  1. Posting at least three blog posts.  At least one of them has to be more personal (no just talking about food and working out).
  2. Logging my food in myfitnesspal
  3. Wearing my bodymedia
  4. Doing gamma everyday
  5. Running three times per week

What are your goals for the week?


A Numbers Game

I bit the bullet and weighed myself this morning.  It was not pretty.  I GAINED weight.  Of course, this began the parade of insults and self-loathing comments to myself.  Most of all, I just did not understand.  I lost so many inches this week during beta; how could I gain pounds.  My better half says it is probably muscle as beta does some more strength things.  I also think it has to do with my (TMI moment) cycle being here.  I do have bad cycles, and all of the side effects that go along with it.

After I said all of these horrible things about myself, I went for my run.  During my run, I was thinking how motivated I am by numbers.  When I lost all of those inches, I was stoked to do it all again next week so I could see more results.  When I was devastated by the numbers on the scale, I was motivated to do more in order to hit the number I want to achieve.  Either way, I am motivated to see the number drop.

So what stops it?  Temptation?  Yummy food that has less than stellar health benefits?  I think, for me, it comes down to convenience.  I don’t feel like cooking or planning to cook, so I go out.  When I go out, I tend to order things that are not good for me.  Let’s be honest, even the things that are better for you are not that great for you.  I am trying to organize my life so that my better half and I go out once per week.  This way, we can have a date night, I can have one meal where I up my caloric intake, but I’m not sabotaging myself either.

Losing weight is WORK (so is putting it on, but that’s a conversation for another day).  For me, sometimes it comes down to the fact that I don’t want to put in the effort because I’m tired, don’t feel like it, think I deserve a “day off” (that turns into 3 or 4 meals).  This is also when I “forget” about the numbers.  I justify my poor habits by saying that I have done well and one poor choice will not do any harm.

It is when I really look at the numbers, that is when I get extra motivated.  You can tell when I am “slacking off” more because I stop blogging, stop cooking, stop working out etc.  Starting today, I’m always going to remember the numbers.  I know where I am now, I have a long term goal (125) and a short term goal (230 by the end of beta).  I am going to continue to plan and cook my own meals, except for date night, and I am going to log all of my food so I can track exactly how many calories I am taking in and how many I am burning.

I am determined to win the game.



I want you to know as I am writing this, I am trying to fight the urge to eat everything in sight.  For some reason, I really want to eat, even though I am not hungry at all.  My better half purchased a box of Nutty Bars because I really wanted a snack today.  I did not do very well this week because I have not done well eating (even though I have been tracking what I eat).  Ugh, I hate when I have days like this.  It is HORRIBLE!!

So, what have I been doing?  I’ve been looking at other blogs in order to help me remember why I am doing what I am doing.  I helps to see where others have been and where they are now.  It’s kind of like watching The Biggest Loser, which everyone knows I love, it helps to see others succeed and do well.  I start to think if they can do it, I can too!! 

So, here is a list of my favorite blogs that I look at often to inspire me to stay on track:

  1. Skinnytaste: this is my favorite food blog.  I often go on this site to find my meals for the week, and I have never been steered wrong.  Everything on her site tastes AMAZING!! I also like she has the calories and WW points listed.  I always recalculate my own calories with the ingredients I use, but usually it is not far off.
  2. Fat Girl Run: this is a woman who has had such success through becoming a runner.  She has lost a TON of weight and continues to critique different races she’s accomplished and products she has tried.  She has such as fantastic story.
  3. Fitnessista: She is just fun and quirky.  By day, she is a personal trainer and a nutritionist; however, you would never know it from her no-nonsense approach.  She has good looking recipes and fun stories to keep it motivational.
  4. The Jillian Michaels Show: Everyone who reads my blog knows I love Jillian Michaels, and motivation is no different.  I often listen to her podcasts in the car on my way to and from work.  She gives fantastic advice from fitness tips to personal thoughts.  She and her producer, Janice, have a fantastic chemistry, which makes it lighthearted and funny.   It is fantastic and just the pick-me-up I need most of the time.

What are your favorite blogs that get you motivated?


You are more than a number


I need to remember this more.  I was prepared to talk about fun ways I use to motivate myself, until I got on the scale this morning.  The only scale I have been on in the last few months is the one in the doctor’s office.  That actually went well and I was the weight I thought I was.  I bought a new scale over the weekend in order to better monitor my progress, and weighed myself this morning.  It said I weigh 252 pounds.  Really?!  That’s 7 pounds more than I weighed at the doctor’s office less than a week ago.

Needless to say, I started to get really down on myself and said some really ugly things about myself.  Then, I remembered the quote above.  If I have fat, it is an external thing I can do something about (namely change my diet and continue to exercise).  However, if I am fat, that is a whole different ballgame.

I really need to concentrate on monitoring what I am eating.  I have not been the best eater (at all).  I did well this weekend though.  I have planned out a week of healthy meals, so I know that I have something to eat and do not rely on going out or picking up fast food.  Also, all of my meals (except maybe one) have fruits and vegetables in them, so I know they are healthy and I am continuing to put good things in my body.

I am also trying to stay away from emotional eating, which can be a really big problem.  Especially since I am not having a very good day and there are cookies in the kitchen area (at work).  Cookies are my kryptonite.  It really is kind of a problem.  I am doing good to resist them so far though.

Now I am going to go log my foods, so I can put my money where my mouth is…instead of stuffing it with a cookie.